Identity Crises

As you can notice I can't seem to decide on a layout. I figure that I am dealing with an identity crisis. I guess part of it is that for the past two days I have been in the office all by myself dealing with "stuff" while the rest of the staff is at a confrence. Am I upset that I didn't go? Honestly, not really as the conference didn't really pertain to me, however, it is always nice to be around other people. Here I have no one to talk to, no one to look at and not much to do. I am just hanging out waiting for the phone to ring, which hasn't been that frequent as I am sure everyone is already on their Spring Break. That's okay...I will make it through today. Back in January when I first started this job I was so excited because I thought I will finally be able to lose weight as I will be too busy to snack on crap. Two months has passed and I have gained some weight...Ewwwwww....I am so disappointed that I have succumbed to bad snacking behaviour. Saying No has become something of the past and Saying Yes (as I don't want to be "rude" and everything that is offered to me is so darn yummy and I lack will power) has officially taken over. You know it's time to do something when you look in the mirror and the "muffin top" has taken over. I no longer fit into my good clothes and am starting to feel super disgusting in my big clothes. What happened to me? Why? When? How? See it's times like this when crazy thoughts come into my head and I start questioning having gone to treatment. Yes I am better, but now whatever I stuff into my face I must "pay for" with weight gain. Honestly it was so easy before...stuff your face...get rid of it...feel guilty...move on. So Ironman training has started and I am noticing that the extra 5 pounds (Okay...closer to 7lbs) is making a huge difference. For the first time in years I honestly feel out of shape. I feel down in the dumps. I feel like I am in a rut. I think all my feelings are being meshed together with just feeling s of being alone/lonely...you know what...I need to be around people. I am going to use my week off from work (Spring Break) just to get back on track with things. Work on making better choices and being a do-er not a talker. I know Trevor is getting sick of me always saying I need to lose weight and frankly I am getting tired of hearing it to (as I am sure the rest of the world is----but this is my blog and I can say what I want). I need to come up with a plan of attack...something...I need something...